On Wednesday I was driving home from testing at Iowa City and thinking myself into a full-fledged whiner wonder-- similar to a pity party but more contemplative and reflective with a lot less wailing and hopelessness. I get frustrated with not feeling well, and even more frustrated with only being able to say that I have an ‘unidentifiable illness’ or a ‘mystery disease’ or it’s ‘just me’ or ‘they’re working on it’. It’s very vague, and there’s no 5K or snazzy colored ribbon to show support; maybe I should wear a question mark. (FYI: Carcinoid Syndrome is a zebra-striped ribbon) I went to bed wondering, whining: ‘so where in the Bible is the answer for this?’ I pick up Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts and continue reading where I’ve left off:
“God’s good. Just naming it...Just naming it. When you don’t have the name for something, you’re haunted by the shadows. It ages you.” (Voskamp, 52)
I’m drawn in...this is what I’m feeling; this is me right now: haunted and aged. I read on:
“God in the beginning who first speaks a name and lets what is come into existence. This naming is how the first emptiness of space fills: the naming of light and land and sky. ... Adam completes creation with his Maker through the act of naming creatures, releasing the land from chaos, from the teeming, indefinable mass.” (53)
“To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it. ...Naming is to know a thing’s function in the cosmos -- to name is to solve mystery. ... God is in the details. God is in the moment. God is in all that blurs by in a life -- even hurts in a life. (54)
God is faithful -- the name will come, even if it is ‘idiopathic something-something’ and I don’t feel haunted by the shadows, because I know there is Light.
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